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"Happiness always looks small when you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and at once you learn how big and precious it is."
Maxim Gorky

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Thanks Giving...

This weekend we had a full house with family.
They came from the mainland  to celebrate a birthday, to eat, to drink, to tell stories and to 
be thankful for being able to share a few precious days together.
We joined the five other cousins, my younger brother and his wife who live close by,
as well as my older brother from the mainland.
The forecast was for rain but high above us the sun brought warmth 
and a gentle breeze, just the kind of day we hoped for.
You see we had another purpose for this beautiful autumn Sunday.
Down through the woods we scrambled...
... past the slough and over the little bridge...
Although most of the family was there, one was missing.
We came down here accompanied by her spirit.
To mark her life in yet another way.
We have been choosing places that my sister loved and scattering ashes here and there.
Some of her ashes will be upon the sand on this part of the coast.
Tracy loved to bring the dogs and kids to the seashore and let them run.
"Oh they'll sleep good tonight!" we'd say as we watched from our seats on big
abandoned logs.
Today the cousins were reunited once again and played together inventing
games in the leftover forts of someone else's day at the beach.
It always intrigues me how children just 'are' with each other.
As soon as they're out of the van, they're running and playing and telling
each other stories as if they were together only yesterday.
...already making plans for the next time they can be together.
We explain to them the reasons for coming here today and, although not grasping
the full understanding, they know that we are a family who are missing a piece
and making it possible for us all to have somewhere to come to feel closer to her.
Steve has been so generous with his efforts to allow us into this most difficult part of his life.
He has made this trip over here several times now, knowing how much we all want to remain close.
We all have different roles in each others lives now and he truly understands how
important the bond is and will continue to be in the coming years.
For those of us who come down to this beach often, it will remain an adventurous playground...
...but will also be a place to quietly keep Tracy close by.
Today I sit here in the house with the rain pouring down outside and once again I am
so thankful to have had such a perfect day to add another goodbye on this journey.

' You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.'



farmlady said...

This post surely shows that " You can be full of the love you shared."
This is a beautiful and loving tribute to, not only your sister, but to all of the people in her life.
This is what mourning should be.

"And so I send, oh all my faith and all my love to tell her that she will move from mourning into morning."
~G. Barker~

Ciara said...

Oh Kerry, this just broke my heart. Such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this with us. Truly , I feel honoured.

I could look at endless pictures of your beach. It is a place that calls my name. x x

Stone Angel said...

This gorgeous post defines the word bittersweet to the nth degree. Beautiful, sad, hopeful and so full of love.

toomuchaugust said...

well, yes, this reached deep and found solid ground. a beautiful tribute. i almost didn't want to scroll through...not wanting this to end...and also wanting to be "there" all the way through. life finding another form, yes.